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June 6, 2007

Camp Daddy - Day 4


Yesterday, Jennifer complained "You forgot to feed me, daddy" cause apparently we skipped breakfast. I don't usually eat breakfast, so I gave her money to eat out of the vending machine at work, which is what I usually do. So then, today, we went to Waffle House for breakfast. "I"m like...ok...order whatever you want."

Then, we drove down to Chattanooga. The whole way, she pointed out every single pine tree we passed, because I told her that there aren't many up here. There are not, and I stand by that assessment. Where I grew up in Mississippi, there are entire forests of nothing but pine trees. But, up here, they're as rare as hen's teeth.

The reason for this, as it turns out, is that the winters are colder in Tennessee, probably because the Gulf of Mexico moderates the winter weather along the coastal plains. But I digress.

None-the-less, Jennifer pointed out every single pine tree one she saw, and has since she got here. Very annoying.

We went to Rock City on Lookout Mountain outside of Chattanooga. If you've ever driven through any corner of the south, you've probably seen some of the forteen zillion billboards and barns that say "See Rock City" or "See Ruby Falls". Eventually, you have to go see them. Over time, it becomes an innate homing instinct, similar to the way the swallows return to San Juan Capistrano. It is, in the long run, the path of least resistance.

So, we went through Rock City. Over it. Under it. Through it. We were supposed to meet Scott and Shelly and Rachel down at Lake Winnepesaukah, so we were basically going through Rock CIty like the Griswalds. I would kill to have a "See Rock City" bluebird house, but I couldn't find any for sale there. They have lots of "See Rock City" bird houses, but none of them were designed for bluebirds. I tried to tell them they needed to get bluebird houses, but they were all just like..."Huh? Dude...I just work here..." and all so eventually I decided that I'd just make my own. In all probability, I never will actually make one, but it's the path of least resistance at this point. Trying to convince a stoned teenager on a summer job that he needs to ask the owner to order bluebird houses is like trying to push a rope.

So we went down to meet Scott and Shelly and Rachel at Lake Winnepesaukah and as it turns out, it was in a different state. It was in Georgia. So we were a little late getting there but, we got there and only then did I realize that it was June and I was in Georgia in the heat of the day wearing jeans and wool socks and winter hunting boots with thinsulate. So, I was basically sweating like a whore in church. It was then that I remembered why I moved to Colorado.

So we're standing around inside this amusement park in Georgia in June and someone decided it would be a good idea to ride the "Oh-Zone". So we all sat down in these little chairs and they start cranking us up into the stratosphere and I started freaking out. I had no idea that the thing went that high and I swear to god I could see Virginia and Kentucky from up there. We could see every bit as far as we could on Lookout Mountain. We were 140 feet up in the air. Imagine standing on the edge of a fourteen story building and jumping off. That's exactly what we were about to do and then we're falling and I'm squeezing Jennifer's hand so hard I could hear her little bones cracking and somehow it stopped and we're still alive and we get off the ride and I look up at it from below. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have not realized how high the thing was? But it's an illusion. When you're standing at the bottom of it, it's impossible to accurately gauge how tall the structure is. I'm sweating profusely and my heart is palpitating and Rachel, the youngest in the bunch says "THAT WAS AWESOME!"


Posted by Rob Kiser on June 6, 2007 at 8:46 PM


The reason for this, as it turns out, is that the winters are colder in Tennessee, probably because the Gulf of Mexico moderates the winter weather along the coastal plains.

I thought winters were colder in Tennessee due to the Gore Effect.

Posted by: Robert on June 7, 2007 at 9:59 AM

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