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May 12, 2021

Survival Guide to the 21st century jenni kiser p1


Survival Guide to the 21st century jenni kiser p1

Your average person will go through their whole life clueless. Clueless about something at least, whether it's a tough decision, or how to surf the web, everyone gets lost at times. So for those of you who have been living under a rock for the past few years, here's a few tips on how to survive your average day in 2011.

Turning off your alarm clock: This is the most irritating part of your day.

Recognizing it : An alarm clock will be clear about itself. You will not miss it for it is the most irritating sound you will hear. You can be sure this is your alarm clock because it will usually go off at some crazy hour like 5:00am. You may be in a pleasant dream when BEEP BEEP BEEP! That is when you know your alarm clock found you at just the right time.

How to deal with it: After you sit there moaning and clenching a pillow to your head, you will realize that your alarm clock has won. You must get out of bed, walk over to the source and....press the snooze button to go sleep for 10 more minutes.

Caution: Even though the alarm clock may seem like your enemy, it's just trying to help so try not to smash it to pieces. Don't forget, the alarm clock only wants to get you to your meeting on time.

Answering a "text": This could be the most crucial part of your day. Make sure you are always alert; you wouldn't want to miss something important.

Recognizing it : When a little black box makes a sound like a cricket, and buzzes, that's how you can tell your phone is receiving a "text message"

How to deal with it: Pick up the device (use caution. If dropped, there's a few hundred dollars in the hole) and press the lock button. You will then respond by typing something on a little electronic touch pad such as: hey, hi, hello, morning, any casual greeting will do.

Caution: Do not ever use full sentences. Your friends will most likely ignore your message and never send another. Abbreviate words like: sorry-srry, going-goin, morning-mornin ect. The first thing you will want to check is that auto-correct did not change any words. If not checked precisely, it could result in a major popularity down.

Making breakfast: Everyone always says breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well, NEWS FLASH! A simple protein bar will do just fine.

Recognizing it:This is not that hard. If your stomach is growling , go find the kitchen.

Dealing with it: You may have been living under a rock for years, but it doesn't take Einstein to stick an eggo waffle in a toaster and wait for it to magically pop up.

Caution:When you cook things, they get hot, so try not to burn yourself.
After Your Morning

1. Once you've gotten through the morning, smile! You're finished with the worst part of the day.
2. Now your at work, sit at your little cube and pretend like your actually accomplishing something, no one will ever notice.
3. IF the clock says 12:00, your probably starving to death, go find the lunch room and eat that sandwich you've been packing for the past seven years.

The Golden Rules!
1. When you walk into a store and press the "try me button" on a singing toy, just walk away when it doesn't stop making noise.
2. Remember, you didn't trip, you were just testing gravity. It still works!
3. * When you have no clue what's going on, just smile and nod, smile and nod*

Posted by Rob Kiser on May 12, 2021 at 11:38 AM


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