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November 27, 2017
Day 16 [Tue 11/28/17] - Ciudad Tecun Uman, Guatemala to Chiquimula, Guatemala
Update: I am alive and well and resting peacefully in the Vista Hermosa Hotel in Chiquimula while a car alarm repeatedly goes off right outside the front of the hotel and no one says a word or does anything about it.
Starting Odometer: 8,849
Ending Odometer: 9,159
Distance Traveled Today: 310 miles
Distance Traveled This Trip: 4,556 miles [9,159 - 4,603]
0......Ciudad Tecun Uman
150...Guatemala City
149... Esquipulas (299)
149....... Chiquimula(299)
My trip today looks something like this.
It's really strange to wake up and realize that I'm not in Mexico any more. That I'm not on the coast anymore. That I have a whole new currency to deal with. That there won't be any more Pemex stations. Now, I'll have to look for Shell. I wonder if they have ATM's in their gas stations down here? That would be nice.
The guy last night that was helping me across the border with my papers kept insisting that "you don't have to worry...this is guatemala...this is not mexico...you are safe here". And I kept thinking...you know....I've never once in my life heard someone say, "Mexico is a dangerous place, but if you ever get the chance to go to Guatemala, it's like paradise". I've never heard anyone say that. Ever. Not once.
In the morning, I get up and record my expenses. I meticulously record them every day, in different currencies, so that I have some idea of how much this trip is costing me. Also so that I can remember where I've been, etc.
Every morning, I go through my maniacal ritual of checking out, You have to be very meticulous or you'll leave something behind. One thing you do is make your bed, roughly. Like...make sure that you can find something in the bed if it's there. I found a USB cable I nearly left at one point doing this. Check all of the outlets (for camera battery chargers). Check every room. Leave no stone left unturned. All of this matters.
Last night, the hotel clerk ordered my dinner for me, and when she brought it to me, I had $10,000 in U.S. currency spread out on the bed. (I was drying it out). She didn't say a word.
Chicken soup with rice - Maurice Sendak
Decide to check my tire pressure at the hotel. Realize that the pressure gauge I have is not for tire pressure. Probably for fork pressure or something specialized like that. So I'll pick up a tire pressure gauge today. But this is after I put the tire pressure gauge on the tire, and let some air out. So now, my tire is even lower.
When I leave town, the roads in Guatemala are just the worst I've ever seen in my life. Like, literally the worst paved road I've ever driven down in my life. Much worse than the Dalton Highway. You're driving down the road, and the potholes are like 9"-12" deep, and they're everywhere. So, ideally, you follow another motorcycle, because he probably knows the road better than you, and you can see a path through the potholes.
But now, as I'm taking off across Guatemala, it occurs to me that not having enough air in my front tire is just an invitation to get a bent rim on the worst paved road in Central America. So, I'm riding down the road, and I see a place that does car tires on the side of the road. So I turn in, and start trying to explain to them that I want them to check my tire pressure. Dude isn't sure what I want, so he starts to wipe my front tire with a wet soapy rag, presumably to look for leaks. But I'm like...no...alto...And I go get the air pressure hose, and point it at the front tire.
Finally, he grasps what I want to do. I check the sticker on the frame, and it shows the front tire pressure should be 33 (I think?). This is a trick I learned from Adam at B&B Cycles. Many thanks, Adam!
So, he checks the pressure, and it says it's 27. So, he adds air in it until it's 33 psi.
And he won't take any money for it. Nicest guy on the planet.
I pull out and, at some point, in Tecun Uman,I see a fairly large store and, in Mexico, I came to realize that these larger businesses generally have ATM machines, aka "cajero automatico", which the Oxxo stations never have. So I pull up to the store and ask a man standing there if it has a cahero automatico. He says it does, and I go in and withdraw 1,000 Quetzal. So, now I've got some local currency at least.
Now, I'm driving down the road again, but at least my front tire is aired up. For the first 70 miles, it was the worst paved road I've ever driven on in my life. But occasionally, it would get better for like...a mile or two...then back to potholes. Finally, once I get close to Guatemala City, there's a toll road, and I pay the toll, and then, it was smooth sailing.
It really makes you marvel at how nice Mexico's roads are. They are WAY better than the roads in Guatemala. I wonder where they get the money?
Once I get to the outskirts of Guatemala City, I reprogram Waze to route me to Esquipulas today, however, Waze fucked me yet again. When I got to Guatemala City (they call it just "guatemala"), I punched in "Esquipulas", and started following the directions. The problems with Waze are just too many to go into, but let's start with this...it's not locked, at the time of installation, with North up. So, it's really a navigational tool for women, who don't grasp the concept of "North is up", and couldn't point north if you paid them on any given Sunday. So, this is the problem with Waze. It's designed for women.
Why does it matter, you ask? It fucking matters because you can spin waze around 180 degrees, so that South is Up and North is Down, which makes no fucking sense, but when you're lost in a 3rd world country, driving 150 miles the wrong direction would really, really suck.
And that's what very nearly happed to me today for a couple of reasons. 1) I don't have the maps for Guatemala loaded into the Garmin Montana 600. I figured that out after I crossed the border into Guatemala, and started riding. There just are no maps at all in the Garmin, and it's still world's above Waze. I kept my Garmin on all day because, even without maps, it says this: "Driving East". Which is WAY more information that I get out of that woman's toy called Waze.
So, at some point, I realize that a) it should only be 150 miles to Esquipulas, not 200 miles. So, the Esquipulas that Waze is routing to me is not the right Esquipulas. It's 200 miles west instead of 150 miles east. And because Waze has South pointing up, I very nearly rode 200 miles in the wrong direction.
Like...it's really weird because, Guatemala doesn't appear to have a road that follows the Pacific Coast. And so I'm just sort of bee-lining it for Panama City. I don't really have a game plan for how to get there. So, I spend some time eating lunch, and trying to figure out where I need to go next to get out of Guatemala, and into Honduras.
And for a while, my cell coverage goes out. And, when this happens, I'm pretty much screwed because, 1) I don't have any maps in my Garmin Montana 600 for this country and 2) Waze won't work if I don't have cell coverage.
So, Waze is kind of intermittent while I eat lunch, but eventually, I'm able to reprogram Waze to take me to Chiquimula instead of Esquipulas (the two towns are not very far apart, and this one Waze seems to know how to get to, and it's in the right direction. Thanks for that, Waze.)
After lunch, I decide to gas up before I leave Guatemala City because I'm low on fuel, and it's time for me to fill up and I also have nothing to drink on the bike because I drank all of my Jumex.
So I ride to a Shell station (no Pemex here) and gas up. I go inside and realize that they don't have Jumex and nearly break down in tears. (I love Jumex).
Then, as I'm leaving to get on the highway, I manage to drop the bike again. 2nd time in 2 days. I wasn't moving really. I was sort of trying to get onto the highway, and it just fell over. A guy rushed over from the gas station and helped me stand it up. I wasn't hurt, it's just because I'm so tired from riding all day I think.
So I ride all day, following Waze, but verifying with Garmin that I am, in fact, headed East.
I can tell that I'm going to be riding in the dark again, because Waze tells me what time I'll get there. So I'm really pushing it, trying to get to Chiquimula before dark.
I didn't really shoot much at all today, because I was focused on getting in my 300 miles and I knew it would be close because the roads were so bad. But I saw a lot of people carrying bundles of sticks on their heads all day long.
And it's really fascinating to me that these people are even on the same planet with us. Like...I write software for a living, and these people carry sticks around to make a fire to cook their lunch. I'm reasonably sure that their life is better than mine. Maybe I should move down here.
Finally, it is solidly dark, and everyone is flashing their bright lights at me. They turn their brights on, then I turn my bright light on, and we pass each other. It's not fun, but it's where we are.
Finally, I roll into town, and it's dark.
I can't find a hotel room, and no one can understand my Spanish. So I write it down..."Donde hotel?" Like...I don't grasp why people could understand me in Mexico, but in Guatemala, they don't get one word of what I'm saying. Very frustrating.
A few people point me this way or that way. I'm completely lost and driving around, the wrong way down a one way street. Finally, I find a hotel. It doesn't have Air Conditioning, so I ask where the other hotels are. He tells me that this is, in fact, the only hotel in town. Then, I remember that I switched my target city from Esquipulas to Chiquimula because Waze is so fucking stupid, so I ended up in a town with just one motel, I think.
I ask her how much it is.
She quotes me a rate of 85 Quetzal. ($12 a night.) It's a little more than I'd wanted to spend, but OK. I have internet, and no A/C, but it's cool enough and I have 2 fans in the room.
When it's solidly dark, and surprisingly cool, I ride out into town wearing nothing but my swimsuit and tshirt. I look at the hotel carefully when I leave, so I can recognize it when I come back. It's easy for me to get disoriented in unfamiliar surroundings.
Ride down the road about a block and find a taco stand that's still open. Order the Hawaiian Tacos which comes with pineapple and a regular cocacola. Total cost is 25 Quetzal. ($3.00)
Posted by Rob Kiser on November 27, 2017 at 8:42 PM
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