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August 1, 2017

The Fires of Hell (Tuesday)

Now, I should mention that we're working in Riverside, CA.

Yesterday, they didn't bring us coffee on Monday morning, and the lunch they brought us was a salad. So, I'm not a rabbit. So, that's not going to work.

We've had a problem with homeless people coming in and taking our food when it's out. The sort of pop inside the building and start munch9ng away like alley rats.

But, about a month ago, they got some security guards. Now, the security guards ride around the parking lot in a golf cart, and then come in and shake down the buffets for whatever they can take for lunch. I'm not really sure how this is any better, honestly.

All they did was legitimize what was previously a hustle/scam type of operation.

They just calcified the process. Set it in stone.

So, yesterday, we got a pretty weak meal. About 2:30 p.m. in the afternoon, the conversation grows to a dull roar. This is the climax of the day's activity. The crescendo. After this, the energy fades. People drift off. They slip away until, at 6:00 p.m., no one is left.

I wake up this morning after another sleepless night in the fiery pitts of hell that is Air BnB. The cunt that owns the place isn't there when I check in. I try to take a shower, the bathroom if filthy and the shower is full of thousands of sugar ants marching to god knows where.

I turn on the AC, because it's over 80F when I check in. In the middle of the night, a woman in another room turns off the air conditioning. I wake up in the fiery pits of hell that is Riverside, California on August 1st. This is Satan's birthday.

So, I turn on the AC and set it on 54F and go back to sleep.

In the morning, my slumlord messages me and says not to touch the AC any more, as her roommate woke up with a cold as she was so cold last night. I point out that it's just an old wives tale that being cold makes you catch a cold. And that, with the temperature hovering in the 70's / 80's all night, it's hard to imagine that it made her ill.

But far be it from me to impose on this bitch. So, at lunch, I go check out and tell her to refund my money.

Now, I call to check an see when Nana's funeral is and, for whatever reason, no one ever got back to me yesterday. Everyone is heading to North Carolina for the funeral, and I'm on the left coast. Fuck.

Like, I'd like to make it to the funeral. I have my own reasons for this. I look to see if I could fly round trip from Denver to Greensboro and back. I find a ticket that leaves tomorrow morning. That would do it. Then, I look to see if I can buy a one way ticket nonstop from Ontario to Denver today. There's the old 4:30 flight. It leaves in an hour. That would work. Then fly out tomorrow morning at 7:00 a.m. to Greensboro.

So, I have this sort of flight plan put together. I check the dates and times. Fuck it. I buy the two tickets. And now I head out. I'm packing up all of my shit at 3:20 p.m. on a Tuesday. I'm not even sure what day it is. I pack all of my shit and then I see I need gas so I go to the gas station and cut off a car that's about to fill up. I splash about 3 gallons in my tank as he's honking and dog-cussing me for all he's worth. I just ignore him.

Now, I'm flying down highwy 60 west. Lane-splitting at triple digits. LIke, I'm going to be the first person to die on the way to a funeral. OK, in reality, probably not. Probably I won't really die. Probably for real, other people have.

So, I'm just screaming out to the airport at 107 mph and come up behind a black an white SUV. Some sort of police vehicle. For sure. He has all the markings. I'm not sure what jurisdiction he's with, but he's a pig. Full on. For sure. I drop back, he exits onto I-15 and I'm wide open again. I start to think that maybe I'll make it.

Then, I roll up to the airport at Ontario, and park in my little spot right across from SouthWest.

I bust up into the airport to get my boarding pass at the ticket counter, because for some reason, the app didn't let me get a boarding pass. I'm about to jump over the counter. Like, my flight is about to start boarding right now. Hurry people.

Now, she gives me a boarding pass. (Pre-board). And the flight is delayed 30 minutes. Woohoo!!!!

So, now I have time to stop for an oreo milkshake at Carl's Jr. Yay!

So, I get my milkshake and go sit down at the gate, and I'm so stupid, I'm wondering why the plane isn't out there. Now, I'm looking at the tarmac wondering when the plane will roll up. Eventually, it dawns on me that we're royally fucked, so I go up to the gate and I ask her what the deal is.

The gate agent admits that they changed the departure time from 3:30 pm to 4:00 pm to 6:00 p.m. Apparently, the plane was in Las Vegas ready to push back, but it had a mechanical. So, they changed planes. Then, when all of the people got on the plane, the plane had too much fuel on it. So, they had to take fuel off of it. But, to take fuel off of it, they have to take the people off. So, they deboard the plane in Vegas, take fuel off of the plane, and then they reboard the plane. Now, we're waiting for them to push back from the gate, and then we have to see what place they're in to take off. Once they take off, it's up and down from Las Vegas to Ontario. Basically, you fly over the San Bernardino mountains and land.

Posted by Rob Kiser on August 1, 2017 at 5:17 PM


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