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September 4, 2010

The Apple Store - Hell On Earth - Part II

"The Apple Store is to computers what Uganda is to space exploration." - Rob Kiser

This will be the final chapter on the Apple Store, as I will never set foot in that miserable store again, nor will I contact them in any way.

The Apple Store assured us that they'd have her iPod in the store by Tuesday, so today (Saturday), I told Jennifer to call them and see if we needed an appointment to pick it up. We have no way of knowing if they called her, as her phone is broken and we're working on fixing that as well.

She called the Apple Store and they asked if she took it to the "genius bar". Now, just so you know, there are no geniuses in the Apple Store. Only morons, dunces, and herds of Apple groupies. If they were geniuses, they wouldn't be working in a indoor stockyard beneath flourescent lights for $6.50 an hour. So let's start with that.

Eventually, this is what the "geniuses" on the phone told us (if you can believe it):
1) They don't know if they have her ipod in the store or not.
2) They don't know if they called her to say her iPod was available or not.
3) Without the little piece of paper that they handed to a 12 year old last weekend, they have no way of knowing that she even exists. They can't look her up by name, address, or phone number.
4) They have no way of seeing that we even came in the store for an appointment less than a week ago.

Then, the genius on the phone has the gall to say this..."if she didn't break her phone, she would have known if we called her" And I was like "Oh no. Don't you even. Don't go there. Her phone is broken. She didn't break it. It quit working. Don't assume that she broke it. I know that's the Apple way, but please don't go there."

They train those Apple minions well, don't they? These people don't know up from down. Can't look up and see if the sky is blue or not. But they know how to blame the customer for every single glitch in their miserable little world.

So, at best, driving to the Apple Store was a wasted trip.

So then, I take the phone from Jen and I'm like...I'll handle this from here.

"So what's the plan then?" I ask the guy through the phone. "I have a broken iPod. Tell me what I need to do to get it fixed."

"Well, you could make an appointment at the Apple Store..."

"Oh, no. I'm not doing that. I'll never set foot in an Apple Store again. To me, that place is Hell on Earth. Think of another plan, genius. Let's assume I live in a state that doesn't have an Apple Store. What then?"

"Well, you could call Apple Care."

"I'll do that then."

"The number is 800-APL-CARE."

"OK. Thanks. Now, just so we're clear...I want you to know that the Apple Store to me is nothing short of Hell on Earth and I would never set foot in that store again, so help me God."

He says "OK," and I hang up and that was the last time I ever attempted to contact an Apple Store.

Looking back, I feel the same way about the Apple Store that I felt about Detroit when I left that abandoned city at the end of 1995. I swore that I'd never return, not even to fly through the city, and I never have. In 15 years, I've never been back and I'd rather lose my house than return there. Nothing will ever change that.

I feel the same way about the Apple Store. It is, to me, the single worst retail experience I've had for as far back as I can recall. And I think of all those mindless Apple groupies out there, drooling and salivating over how great that store is and I think that they deserve everything they get. They pay twice what a real PC would cost to get a brightly colored computer and a pack of pasty, foaming, liberals to support it from a "genius bar" in a mall sandwiched between Sodom and Gomorrah.

But I am through with them.

The Apple Store - Hell on Earth - Part I

Posted by Rob Kiser on September 4, 2010 at 3:58 PM


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