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July 7, 2010

The Ghosts of the Forests

"Deer appear, and they disappear. Yes, I do believe they have mastered teleportation." - Russ Chastain

I'm with Russ on this one. As improbable as it may seem, I think deer have mastered tunneling through the time-space continuum. Jen and I went out back looking for the fawns today, and it is truly maddening. Deer pop up and then disappear again like a whack-a-mole at the county fair. I dunno what's going on here, but I suspect it does involve time travel, worm holes, and the Black Hole of Calcutta.

We found 2 bucks and a doe or two out back, but no fawns. I suspect that, in addition to mastering time and space, the fawns have the added power of being invisible as well. Just maddening.

And Jen and I out there driving around on the four wheeler and I'm like...whatever you do, don't turn toward them or we'll be gored. I've been charged by one of those precious creatures and let me tell you...when they lower their racks and charge you, your life will flash before your eyes (assuming you live that long).

We've got a lot moving around up here this time of year. Elk, deer, bears, mountain lions, foxes, coons, skunks...I'm scared to open the door without a firearm. And somehow, Timmy moves through this world like he owns the place.

I'm out back mowing with a bushhog and Timmy comes marching out of the elephant grass with some prize in his mouth. I go after him because he's killed more animals this year than BP. He runs up under the 18 foot dual axle trailer and I dive underneath to try to save whatever he's captured. I'm thinking it's another chipmunk (he's killed two this week), or another Mountain Bluebird (he's killed 6 and counting), but it's just a ginormous field mouse so I leave him be and scamper back out from under the trailer.

Wendy assures me that he'll be killed, but I don't buy it. Timmy moves through the woods like he owns the place. He's two years old and hasn't ended up in another animal's digestive system so far. He's been treed before, but he's never been eaten. I think that says something. I think he's a winner.

Posted by Rob Kiser on July 7, 2010 at 12:26 AM

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