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December 10, 2005
Air Marshal Securocrat Updates
The Department of Homeland Stupidity is reporting that, after illegally searching millions of people in the nation's airports, they registered a false positive for the plastic explosive TATP on an Egyptian man's shoe. They determined the man was a terrorist, released him, and subsequently announced that the terrorist was on his way to Central Iowa, creating a panic in that area of the country.
As a result of this, the securocrats were supremely edgy when they gunned down Rigoberto Alpizar this week.
Two passengers are now saying that they never heard him say he had a bomb.
Passenger Mary Gardner: "I did not hear him say that he had a bomb."
John McAlhany, a 44-year-old construction worker who was returning home from a fishing trip in Key West, said he was sitting in Seat 21C when he noticed a commotion a few rows back.
"I heard him saying to his wife, 'I've got to get off the plane,'" McAlhany said. "He bumped me, bumped a couple of stewardesses. He just wanted to get off the plane."
Alpizar ran up the aisle into the first-class cabin, where marshals chased him onto the jetway, McAlhany said.
McAlhany said he "absolutely never heard the word 'bomb' at all."
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Posted by Peenie Wallie on December 10, 2005 at 12:09 AM
Comments
There are already too many suspected terrorists in Des Moines, Iowa.
Thank goodness for Chuck Grassley. Ha.
Posted by: Justin Pissenfield on December 12, 2005 at 10:36 PM