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December 10, 2005
Air Marshal Securocrat Updates
The Department of Homeland Stupidity is reporting that, after illegally searching millions of people in the nation's airports, they registered a false positive for the plastic explosive TATP on an Egyptian man's shoe. They determined the man was a terrorist, released him, and subsequently announced that the terrorist was on his way to Central Iowa, creating a panic in that area of the country.
As a result of this, the securocrats were supremely edgy when they gunned down Rigoberto Alpizar this week.
Two passengers are now saying that they never heard him say he had a bomb.
Passenger Mary Gardner: "I did not hear him say that he had a bomb."
John McAlhany, a 44-year-old construction worker who was returning home from a fishing trip in Key West, said he was sitting in Seat 21C when he noticed a commotion a few rows back.
"I heard him saying to his wife, 'I've got to get off the plane,'" McAlhany said. "He bumped me, bumped a couple of stewardesses. He just wanted to get off the plane."
Alpizar ran up the aisle into the first-class cabin, where marshals chased him onto the jetway, McAlhany said.
McAlhany said he "absolutely never heard the word 'bomb' at all."
Posted by Peenie Wallie on December 10, 2005 at 12:09 AM
Comments
There are already too many suspected terrorists in Des Moines, Iowa.
Thank goodness for Chuck Grassley. Ha.
Posted by: Justin Pissenfield on December 12, 2005 at 10:36 PM