March 31, 2005
Just What You Need - A Female "Wingman"
This is awesome. A female wingman at the bar. Now why didn't I think of that?
March 30, 2005
One Sick Puppy
Thank God they got this this freak off the streets.
UN Wants To Take Over Internet
The ITU(International Telecommunication Union), an abhorrent tentacle of the United Nations, wants to assume control of the internet. This is not something we can afford to have happen, especially considering the fact that the UN is pushing for a Global Gun Ban.
March 28, 2005
Time Killing Games
Area Flat 2
Bird Snatchers(Kitty Kat) time killing game.
Sheep reaction test.
Missile Strike is basically a clone of Missile Command.
More time killing games here.
Friendly Dictators Trading Cards
America's Allies - THE FRIENDLY DICTATORS
Meet the Friendly Dictators - Three dozen of America's most embarrassing "friends", a cunning crew of tyrants and corrupt puppet-presidents who have been rewarded handsomely for their loyalty to U.S. interests.
Woman Driver Plunges SUV into Willamette River
March 27, 2005
A&P - By John Updike
John Updike wrote this short story entitled A&P. You should take the time to read it. It's only a few pages long. We read this story in the 9th grade, though you can bet your sweet @ss that they don't let children read this stuff any more. His story is a victim of the Politically Correct Feminazi's campain to eviscerate men for lusting after women. Read a scathing, lascivious tirade against testosterone from the narrow mind of a foaming, rabid man-hater here.
Posted by Peenie Wallie on March 27, 2005 at 2:37 PM | Permalink
March 26, 2005
Here's an interesting website that discusses the acceleration of technological innovation. Basically, they posit that computers will continue to keep getting faster, networks will continue to become more efficient. Basically, the systems are soft of self organizing, and computers are taking over. Eventually, the theory goes, computers will become more advanced than people, and intelligent human/computer design will replace evolution. "In the long run the sheer physical inability of humans to keep up with these rapidly evolving progeny of our minds will ensure that the ratio of people to machines approaches zero, and that a direct descendant of our culture, but not our genes, inherits the universe."
Posted by Peenie Wallie on March 26, 2005 at 9:52 PM | Permalink
Man Invests In Daughter
When a man's daughter was diagnosed with Diabetes, he invested in a company that was attempting to bring a new drug to market to help diabetics. When the clinical trials went south, Wall Street and Johnson & Johnson fled like battered women into the night. Using his own mathematical analysis, he determined that the FDA had misinterpreted the results. He invested $18,000,000.00 in the company, that he'd earned by pioneering Voice over IP internet telephony and selling his company to Cisco. Last Wednesday, the Food and Drug Administration approved that drug, Symlin, for use by diabetics on insulin therapy. His investment is now worth $200,000,000.00, and his daughter, on the drug for 3 years now, is doing fine. They're celebrating in Barcelona right now.
March 24, 2005
Here's a slideshow of photos I took in Austin in 2004. I've posted these before, but I was never happy with the quality of the .wmv files. The quality of these images is significantly better, although the photos themselves remain amateurish, puerile, and disturbing.
This slideshow is an 10 Meg self-playing executable named austin2004.exe. The soundtrack is "Breathe" by Telepopmusik. Click here to download the presentation. If you have an Apple, an iMac, or some other type of computer with training wheels, click here to download the Macromedia Flash version.Click here if you need help.
Keep Austin Weird
The Detritus Of A Failed Technology Revolution
Like many modern cities, Austin is afflicted with the blight of urban sprawl. Endless acres of big-box stores, above-ground utilities, and pawn shops. The thing that struck me the most though, were the tell-tale signs of the South. Mom-and-pop barbeque stands, neon crab shacks, and Tex-Mex restaurants.
At work, a few dozen government employees were stuffed into a large windowless office. Drop ceiling…raised floor…pale walls…dim fluorescent lights. No cubicles to protect personal space. Every nook and cranny was stuffed with obsolete technology. The detritus of a failed technology revolution. Everyone afraid to toss something out without a mandate from the state.
Computers were stacked on top of computers. Office desks were pushed back to back like partners desks. Faded monitors sat on unopened reams of paper. Rotting mouse-pads…school-room clocks…faded dreams.
The clients commuted unhurriedly to work from aging brick cells in the suburbs. At work, they shuffled across the squeaking raised floor of the office. They spoke into their phones in hushed whispers and secreted cokes in illicit, clandestine refrigerators.
Colorado was deep into one of the worst droughts in recorded history. Normally, the creeks would be charged with spring runoff from melting snow. You should be able to set your watch by the late afternoon thunderstorms of the monsoon season. But on this year, the rains didn’t come. The creeks dried up and the lakes retreated in their beds. The listless boat ramps rested idly in the heat of the day, awkward and useless…a hundred feet from the water. Lake Dillon looked like it had been drained for restocking. As though the remainder of the water could be mopped up with a sponge.
The Blizzard of ’97
It started snowing immediately after we both woke up on Friday morning, October 24. It must have been about 10:00 am MDT. It was a serious snow. Big flakes and lots of them drifted steadily down, unimpeded by the mild wind. It was a good time to sit back, build a fire, and watch the snowstorm unfold outside the window against the background of the Rocky Mountain. There was only one problem. We didn’t have any firewood.
Californian finds finger in bowl of fast food chili
SAN FRANCISCO - A diner at a Wendy’s fast food restaurant in San Jose, California, found a human finger in a bowl of chili prepared by the chain, local officials said.
“This individual apparently did take a spoonful, did have a finger in their mouth and then, you know, spit it out and recognized it,” said Ben Gale, director of the department of environmental health for Santa Clara County. “Then they had some kind of emotional reaction and vomited.”
More Hawaii Photos
OK. The truth is, I never have talked to the Hawaii Bureau of Tourism. And, they certainly wouldn't want to use this video to attempt to lure tourists to the Sandwich Islands.
If you feel cheated, here's a video of some of my better photos. This slideshow is an 8 Meg self-playing executable named hawaii_2.exe. The soundtrack is "Breathe" by Anna Nalick. Click here to download the presentation. If you have an Apple, an iMac, or some other type of computer with training wheels, click here to download the Macromedia Flash version. Click here if you need help.
March 23, 2005
Hawaii Bureau of Tourism
As many of you know, I've been working closely with the Hawaii Visitors and Conventions Bureau to produce the 2006 slideshow presentation for their tourism website at GoHawaii.com
I don't really know how all of it got started. Apparently they were impressed with the images I shot last year on Oahu, and, to make a short story long, I've been putting together a video (pro bono, of course) just to give them an idea of what I think the video should look like. Here's the working copy of the video I've sent them, and, although it hasn't been greenlighted yet, I think they like it so far.
This slideshow is an 11 Meg self-playing executable named hawaii_1.exe. The soundtrack is "No One Knows" by the Queens Of The Stoneage. Click here to download the presentation. If you have an Apple, an iMac, or some other type of computer with training wheels, click here to download the Macromedia Flash version.Click here if you need help.
Please feel free to post comments, as any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.
The Deep South
Jennifer and I were headed for the Deep South. For locales with names like Tangipahoa….Ponchatoula….Bogue Chitto. Names that set up resonance in the tongue and induced lucid daydreams, even in souls that were innocent of their particulars. The Deep South is the land of blue herons and kingfishers….cotton and catfish... soft-shelled crabs and sweet tea.
March 22, 2005
The sun sets at Mallory Square. The crowd claps and catterwalls. The buskers blow whistles to draw the crowds into their shows. The square lights come on. Dogs wearing hats snooze on the warm brick patio. The flags of the U.S., Florida, and Key West flutter in the breeze. The Schooners return from their sunset cruises. Another turboprop comes in from Miami. The crowd drifted away from the edge of the pier to watch the jugglers, musicians, and other oddities. A dog walked across a tightrope to jeers from the politically correct ALF (Animal Liberation Front). The scent of marijuana blew on the breeze. Upwind was a ragtag band of dreadlocked drummers. They must have migrated from the Simonton Beach to the square for the sunset crowd. The sky turned a brilliant pink and blue. The people patronized the local artisans selling paintings, jewelry, popcorn, and lemonade. As the pink hues faded to grey, Venus appeared in the sky next to a tiny sliver of a moon. One of the local magicians chastised the crowd. “You missed the sunset! It’s OK. There will be another one tomorrow.”
Posted by Peenie Wallie on March 22, 2005 at 8:51 PM | Permalink
WWII Japanese Underwater Aircraft Carrier Discovered
During test dives Thursday, the University of Hawaii Undersea Research Laboratory's(HURL) submarine found the remains of the Imperial Japanese Navy's I-401 submarine, a gigantic underwater aircraft carrier built to bomb the Panama Canal, according to this story in the Honolulu Advertiser.
The discovery is from the I-400 "Sensuikan Toku" class of submarines, the largest built prior to the nuclear ballistic missile submarines of the 1960s. They were 400 feet long and 39.3 feet high, could reach a maximum depth of 330 feet, and carry a crew of 144.
March 19, 2005
Painting A Dream
When Jennifer woke up this morning, she told me she’d dreamed of a painting. A stallion on his hind legs, forelegs flailing in the air. Mane blowing in the breeze, with a red sunset. Green fields with streaks of blue and yellow.
“You dreamed this painting, sweetie?”
13 Things That Don't Make Sense
I feel like, as a society, we do an excellent job of stifling the natural curiosity of kids. The school textbooks drum warmed over Politically Correct tedium into the brains of children from day care to graduation. Rare is the teacher that nurtures the inate inquisitive qualities of the young minds.
Every subject is presented as a closed book. "Nothing to see here. It's all be figured out by people much smarter than you, and very long ago, I should add. So move along. Nothing to see here."
So, as proof that we don't have it all figured out just yet, here's a list of 13 things we really don't understand. Maybe the child you challenge will one day discover a flaw in Einstein's calculations or discover planet X.
March 18, 2005
Kissing Your Cell Phone Goodnight
I'm trying to post some of my short stories. Not that anyone asked me to or wants to see them. Just mostly because I'm bored. I should edit them, but I don't really feel like going through that exercise right now. I just want to post them and move on. I wrote this story in May of 2002, when I was commuting to Delaware.
My plane just left. If I hurry I can still miss it. Put my life into a suitcase and bring it to me please. I don’t know who I am any more. And I’m afraid that this is the only way to find out. I have to keep pushing the envelope to see what is real. No one else can tell me who I am or what I want. They can only warn me when my behavior is way outside the norm. And they have been wailing like a civil defense siren in a tornado.
March 17, 2005
Removing Viruses and Spyware
Grisoft AVG - Free software to removes virus, worms, trojan horses.
Spybot Search & Destroy - Free spyware removal tool.
AdAware - Free spyware removal tool.
Microsoft's Windows AnitSpyware - Free spyware removal tool.
Hijack This - Free spyware removal tool.
CodeStuff Starter - Free program that stops TSR's from loading when computer is powered up.
Elite Toolbar Removal - Removes the horrendously complicated Elite Toolbar.
Elite Toolbar Removal - Removes the horrendously complicated Elite Toolbar.
Elite Toolbar Removal - Removes the horrendously complicated Elite Toolbar.
Elite Toolbar Removal - Removes the horrendously complicated Elite Toolbar.
I found this website very useful.
March 15, 2005
The women age hard in the hills. The winters are long two miles above sea level on the back side of Shadow Mountain. The women are hardened by tight narrow canyons, short days, and cold nights. They suffer silently on the couch in Clear Creek county, waiting for a break in the weather. They put on fat like trees put on growth rings every year. You can tell their age by the caliper of their thighs. A good liposuction surgeon can read the weather in the fat off the backside of a common mountain woman.
March 11, 2005
Here's a video of me playing around in the military vehicles. Some nice footage of the 1945 GMC DUKW (6 wheel drive amphibian). Some footage of the 1945 Studebaker M29C Weasel (small tracked vehcile). Also some footage of a few of us going over the hair-raising Black Bear Pass into Telluride, Colorado. Audio track is "Chemicals Between Us" by Bush.
March 10, 2005
Airplane Crash Videos
This site has scads of airplane crash videos. Be sure to watch a few before you head to the airport next time.
Was Sadam's Capture Staged?
A former U.S. Marine who participated in capturing ousted Iraqi President Saddam Hussein said the public version of his capture was fabricated.
All psychics are frauds. If you think I'm wrong, here's a chance for you to make some hard cash off the deal. If you know a psychic, and they can demonstate their skills in a repeatable fashing in a double-blind test, you can earn $20K and they can earn $100K. So, shut up telling me I'm wrong and tell your psychic friend to step forward. Wait...I have a prediction...I predict that no psychics will come forward, because they all know there's frauds fleecing suckers for cash.
US Airways Jets Shot Again
According to U.S. Airways, two of their jets were shot by a rifle since December of last year. FBI agents said "the bullet hole could be the result of a hunting accident" and "nothing suggests the two incidents are related".
Unfortunately, the FBI doesn't know shit from shinola. When the FBI claimed that people were attempting to bring down jets with laserbeams, I immediately pointed out that they were delusional. A few days later, the FBI reluctanly admitted that the lasers were unrelated to terror.
Now, once again, they are delusional. The odds of accidentally shooting a commercial passenger jet are so remote as to be dismissed immediately. Occam's Razor, which correctly indicated that the laser beams were not the work of terrorists, in this case, indicates quite the opposite.
All signs indicate that this does appear to be the result of someone deliberately targeting commercial aircraft, although their true intent may not be to cause the jets to crash, they are, most certainly, intentionally targeting the aircraft. The desire to shoot at an object that flies overhead is inate. A compelling, primordial ambition to strike out at that which is beyond reach. My guess is that it is white, male, juveniles out hunting, that are deliberately targeting the planes because they're bored of shooting at squirrels. They're attempting see if they can hit the plane, without actually wanting to kill everyone on board. A poorly considered childish impulse. Occam's Razor has spoken. Let's see how long it takes FBI's finest to reach the same conclusion.
March 9, 2005
US Bank Sucks!
Read about how bad US Bank fvcked me over here.
Because the faceless drones at U.S. Bank have been utterly lacking in taking any responsibility. They have behaved unprofessionally. They have shown no commitment to customer service. They've not only not gone the extra mile, they've wandered off when her back's been turned. They've been dishonest. They've not honored her commitments. They've shown little interest in how their customers feel. They've had only lip service to compassion. They've been incompetent. They (and their systems) have been unreasonable and irrational and illogical.
Why You Should Never Bank At US Bank
So, there I stood, resigned. A remnant of the man I once was. Quaking before the counter at U.S. Bank; an imperfect, remorseful child before his parents. I was a beaten man.
“Can you tell me what the balance is on my account, please?”
“Hmmm. It says this account was closed today. They turned it over to a collection agency.”
“They did? Really. Yippee!!! Wooohoo!!!”
I was so happy I wanted to dance. I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell the world that, though they’d ruined my credit rating and irreparably impugned my integrity, I’d fought U.S. Bank to a draw. In my own way, I had won. I closed all three of my accounts with U.S. Bank and all it cost me was several thousand dollars in bank fees, a ruined credit history, and three months of missed work and mental anguish. Free at last! Free at last! Thank the lord I’m free at last!
The Third Annual International Eat an Animal for PETA Day
The Third Annual International Eat an Animal for PETA Day is coming up on March 15th. Be sure to find a tasty animal and devour it. Nothing says "Fark you, PETA" like a nice elk dinner.
March 8, 2005
M29C "Weasel" Video
I just got my 1945 Studebaker M29C Weasel running. It's been sitting under the house, neglected for some time. Now that I'm off the road, I figured I'd better get it operational. Unfortunately, we had a nast fire in it on Saturday. However, I got it started yesterday(Monday), and today I added two quarts of tranny fluid and tightened up the tracks. We're back in action now, baby! Here's a video that we shot in this same weasel after the March Blizzard in 2003.
The Grundy Incident
Here's a video I made for my neighbors to get on some reality tv show. Further proof that, with the proper soundtrack, anyone's life can be made to appear mildly entertaining.
March 5, 2005
Three Card Monte - Middle East Style
So now the WMD's are in Lebanon are they? Isn't that convenient. I hate to be the one to rain on a nice bombing campaign, but isn't there some burden of proof to be expected at this point? I mean, fool me once, shame on you but...To keep following this charade of "Oh...right...now the WMD's are over here..." seems to be a little disingenuous to me. Hmmm...I'm guess they're going to be in Iran next, then North Korea, and finally Cuba or Massachusetts.
Your Teddy Bear Is Watching You
Microsoft Corp.'s annual gadget showcase this week included a teddybear that spies on your children via a wireless LAN. Nice. Jennifer may not live to grow up, but by God I'm not going to spy on her in her own bedroom. Don't suspect a friend, turn him in. Suspicion breeds confidence.
March 4, 2005
Intel's 64-bit Pentium 4 660
The Pentium 4 6xx-series sees Intel finally entering 64-bit desktop CPU market. The new chips also offer improved power management (EIST) and memory overflow protection (XD bit).
AMD has led the 64-bit desktop processor field up to now with the Athlon 64 -- although there is, as yet, no shipping 64-bit Windows operating system, which is necessary to make the most of a 64-bit CPU. However, at the beginning of February Microsoft made Release Candidate 2 of Windows XP Professional x64 Edition available to testers, and the final version is due to ship at the beginning of April.
Robocop Circa 2005
Here's some computer generated footage of a future police force that's nearly indistinguishable from reality. "Scarry!"(sic)
If their download is broken, you can download the video from here locally.
Pasting Unformatted Text in MSWord
If you've ever tried to copy something from a web page and then paste it into MSWord, you may be been disappointed by all of the gobledegook special formatting around the text. The solution to this is to select "Edit - Paste Special - Unformatted text". This function allows you to copy and paste text without all that annoying special formatting around the text. But, the geniuses at Microsoft didn't assign this command a shortcut. Or allow you to assing one to it. Worse, when you choose Edit - Past Special", "Unformatted text" isn't the default. Like...why do they think we're doing a "special" paste anyway? Clearly, it's to get rid of the formatting 99% of the time. But, they're not that bright up in Redmond. It bothered me enough that I finally searched out a solution to this fiasco. (Local copy of link provided here.)
March 3, 2005
Everything We Had
I just finished reading the book "Everything We Had: An Oral History of the Vietnam War" by Al Santoli. I've had the book on my shelf for nearly two decades. Some little punk gave it to me back when I was still huddled down in the piney backwoods of Mississippi. He was just one of those little chicken-shit trailer-trash back-woods kinda people you'd find living under bridges down by a creek, poaching game to stay alive. He never had any money. Just a few quarters and that's where I met him. Playing video games down at the Mini-mart.
Hilary Rodham Clinton
A stock broker, on his way home from work in New York City, came to a
dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems much worse than usual. He notices a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolls down his window and asks, "Officer, what's the hold up?"
The officer replies, "Hillary Clinton is depressed, so she stopped her motorcade and is threatening to douse herself in gasoline and set herself on fire. She says her husband has spent all her money and the Democrats told her to forget about running for President in 2008. So we're taking up a collection for her.
The stock broker asks, "How much have you got so far?"
The officer replies "About 40 to 50 gallons so far, but a lot of folks are still siphoning."
March 2, 2005
Fire Station Burns To Ground
Somehow, a rural Hinds County Mississippi fire station burned to the ground. Nice job, firefighters. If they can't save their own station, how are they going to be able to save someone's house?
March 1, 2005
Jennifer's First Short Story
Jennifer had to write a paragraph or so in school. But, as fas as I am aware, it was her first creative writing assignment. I think what she wrote is pretty cool, but I would because I'm biased.
Anti-gun Crusader Arrested For Posession of Stolen Weapon and Drugs
Nice. These stories just write themselves. Lunatic woman on crusade against guns is arrested for possession of drugs and a stolen firearm with the serial number chiseled. Sweet.
Police Taser Man At Salad Bar
Police tasered a man twice in front of his own children for getting too much salad at a Chuck E. Cheese in Aurora, Colorado. Is your town overpoliced?
Extreme Motorcycle Stunt Videos
British Kung Fu
Botched Helicopter Landing at Sea
Police Chasing White Suburban
This is genius capped a few people and then led police on a seriously high speed chase before he lost control. Miraculously, he didn't hit anyone else in the ensuing crash that caused his demise. Warning - graphic.
Police Cars Chasing Mustang
Looks like the guy in the stolen stang is schooling the police.